The whole Destiny’s Child – Independent Ladies thing is fabulous and I’m all for it, in fact I proudly call myself it all the time (providing credit card debt doesn’t count). I live in London while all my family are up North, I mean even most of my friends live centrally so I’m virtually Alone.
And usually I’m ok with being alone, in fact I’m more than ok with it, I’m really quite happy about it. I’m a solitary creature by nature, I love my own company and need a lot of downtime. Even if I were in a relationship I’d like to retain that as I think it’s important. But lately I’ve been feeling a bit well… lonely, I have to admit. I thought Winter would be worse for these kind of blues but Lana Del Rays Summertime Sadness is real people.
The worst part is I know it’s a loneliness that comes from a longing of wanting to be with someone. Of course we as independent women can’t openly admit that so I thought I’d come out and say it and get rid of any perceived shame that it makes me somehow weaker. I’ve come to realise it’s ok to not want to be alone so I admit it, I want to be with someone. Saying it out loud makes me cringe and down right terrifies me. Yes all I can hear is the ‘Annie wants a boyfriend’ playground song too.
What if it’s a case of saying it won’t make it happen, maybe some future potential will read this and run a mile? On the flip side maybe once I finally admit this to myself I’ll subsequently get it? Cue the Genie from Aladdin.
Of course many will argue Summer is THE best time to be single when it’s all festivals, beer gardens and rooftop parties (all invites welcome btw). Although those things have never really interested me quite as much as having someone special to share that rowing boat in the park with. There’s just something so wistfully Jane Austen-like about holding hands on Hampstead Heath and prosecco picnics in Hyde Park (I know right, I’d date me).
Don’t get me wrong I’ve not got a billboard around my neck advertising ‘boyfriend wanted’ to all and sundry. I’m not looking for just anyone, maybe that’s partly my problem. I’ve been on so many dates that I’m not easily pleased but why should I be, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, always have standards. You’ll only be fooling yourself in the long run.
Maybe it’s because of a recent ‘thing’ that I had hoped would maybe eventally turn into boyfriend/girlfriend status (see previous post) I liked him a lot and he said he did too so now I know after 3 years of singledom what that feels like and what I’m missing out on.
This Summer I’m going to try and focus my mind on enjoying my freedom as a single gal. Who knows, things can change in a heartbeat and this could be my last one alone, that maybe I’d look back on and wish I had made the most of.
So here’s to a social Summer filled with friends, focusing on myself and happiness in my career – failing that there’ll always be Pimms and Aperol Spritz round the corner in every pub in England…