So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Philosophy, Wellbeing

I’ve been wanting to write a really well thought out post on turning 30 for quite some time but as it turns out it’s become a bit of a ramble, which I think shows my mixed feelings towards it all. If you’ve not yet reached 29 I’m going to be brutally honest with you guys, this has to be the toughest year yet – and I’ve been through some right corkers. I’ve done a hefty amount of soul searching and it’s been emotional upheavel. I’ve also spoken to people older than me about this and they’ve said the exact same thing. Apparently everyone goes through it but no ones talking about it – cue me and my little old blog.

I never thought I was one to be bothered by age, I certainly aren’t bothered by other people’s, I always saw it as just a number and generally believed that everyone is on different timescales so you shouldn’t compare your journey with anyone else’s.
That was until I was about to turn 30.

All of a sudden it feels like by 30 you’re supposed to have your entire life figured out and all boxed off. I don’t know if it’s because we’re of the millennial generation or because of the fuckboy epidemic we currently have on our hands but it doesn’t help that my parents met when they were aged 20 and 25, got married a few years later and my Mam had me at my age now. Fast forward to me in 2018 who still has no idea what she’s doing besides struggling to pay rent in a shared flat in London and trying to meet someone that doesn’t turn out to be a complete and utter dick.

Besides my passion for blogging, I couldn’t feel further away from having it all figured out. That’s pretty much been my way of doing things all along, I’ve always just sort of floated along doing whatever I liked, living for today and hoping everything would all work out in the end, believing that so long as I followed my heart and stayed positive it would happen. There’s something about the number 30 that’s thrown that whole belief system into disarray, it’s a scary number and it’s got me questioning everything. And I mean everything. It’s had me googling ‘celebrities aged 30’ to see what they look like and I even started to toy with the idea of cosmetic surgery to preserve my youth – something I’ve never dreamed of contemplating before.

On the plus side everyone I meet assumes I’m about 25 if not less so I think I’ve just mentally decided to stay that age forever. My younger brother and sister were born when I was 15 and I always used to say ‘omg imagine when they’re 15, I’ll be 30… WOW’. That day is nearly here and I can’t quite believe it. 30 has literally crept up on me overnight and got me thinking where on Earth has that time gone?!

The positives I can take from this is that I’m now well aware of how short life is and while I’m grateful to have made it this far, it’s spurred me on to crank it up a gear and achieve the life my younger self had always dreamed of. That dream mainly consists of working for myself, being filthy rich (not ashamed to say it) and most of all being married to someone wonderful who adores me and vice versa, although as my favourites The Supremes warn, ‘You can’t hurry love’ and as I mentioned here, no matter how old I am I’d rather be alone than settle out of fear.

It’s funny when you’re younger no one warns you the main ‘life checklist’ such as: having a career, marriage and babies are very rarely that simple to attain. Admittedly they’re not all for everyone and I’m not even sure babies are for me. Besides The Rembrandts, ‘I’ll be there for you’ song in the opening credits of Friends which goes: ‘So no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA.’ Nobody IRL warns you about life not going to plan as easily as you’d expected. My life path looks more like a loop the loop rollercoaster than a smooth diagonal line. It’s not been easy but then I wouldn’t change it for the world because now I know I’ll appreciate the things I want all the more when the time does come. Thankfully till that day I have a wonderful family and friends that will be there for me when the rain starts to pour.

There’s a brilliant speech by my fav modern day philosopher Jay Shetty which reminds me that even if you do have all those life checklist boxes ticked off, it doesn’t guarantee inner happiness or make a difference, so ultimately those should be our goals. And while I may barely have a penny to my name, I do believe I’m happy within. Without sounding like a gangsta rapper; I’m proud of my struggle, my experiences and the person I am today – that to me is worth it’s weight in gold and now hopefully the rest will follow. If not? Well that feeling in itself kicks that stupid checklists arse.

Photos: Andrew McGovern

Edit: Annieatthefringe

Full of the joys of Spring

Fashion, Lifestyle, Photoshoot, Wellbeing

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Here I am twirling around in a field full of flowers feeling like I’m bloody Maria Von Trapp in the Sound of Music (my fav musical fyi) and I cannot think of a better way to describe how Spring makes me feel.

Those first glimpses of Sun on your face that hint Summer is on its way. Especially what with the British weather being a huge tease this year, is it snowing, isn’t it snowing? It messed with our heads more than a f*ckboy and turned up when it was quite frankly too late and we’re all over it.

But this blog post is not just about the weather oh no, (I mean I am British and I LOVE to go on about it but I’ll try not to be basic here).

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This photoshoot and the weather got me thinking about happiness. As undoubtably EVERYONE is in a much better mood when the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming. But what can we do to be happy year round? When maybe it rains all day, you’ve got a huge hole in your tights exposing your bum cheeks and generally having a bad work week… all the while being let down by a friend and going through a major family issue (this was all just last week). It’s about knowing that those times and days won’t last, however dark.

Looking for the little things to be grateful for, surrounding yourself with people that lift you up and setting goals to accomplish (however small) all help me. Sometimes it is a case of just having to power through till you reach those better times. But they Are there.

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Everyone comments that I’m such a happy, smiley person (disclaimer: not 100% of the time, I’m not a robot) so I thought I’d share my secret. Personally what makes me happy is following my heart, listening to my intuition and basically not giving a f*ck. When I say that, obviously I do give a f*ck but only about the important things and not sweating about the small stuff or allowing other people’s behavior or opinions get to me. 9 times out of 10 you’ll find that something that really bothered you, maybe what someone said or did, works out to not matter anymore, maybe that person was just going through a rough patch themselves.

When I’m in a funk I love to either go to the gym, blare out upbeat music (Club Tropicana works a treat) and look after myself with some self-care, even if it’s just a nice hot long shower. Yoga can also be a great release of emotions – seriously people cry mid-class.

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Last week I got my hair chopped short (obvs after these pictures), there were some neigh-sayers as expected but I listened to myself, thought no guts no glory and did what I thought would make ME happy anyway. I was longing for a change after 10 years of the same hairstyle and my long locks had become a bit of a burden. Thankfully I love it! (Sometimes change is exactly what you need to make you happier in the long run, no matter how scary).

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Obviously there’s so much more I could write about the art of happiness, it’s a huge subject, especially within the whole wellness industry at the moment and we just don’t have that kind of time on my humble little blog. So I suppose the main thing that maintains my positivity is an unwavering faith that I’m on a journey where everything is unfolding as it’s meant to. Even if you can’t see it at first you will look back one day and know why it worked out the way it did. Which brings me to my fav Steve Jobs quote:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

― Steve Jobs

I was previously in a 10 year relationship which ended abruptly and I couldn’t understand why. It’s only looking back now that I realise. I know I would never have been the independent person I am thankful to be today if we were still together.

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When times get hard I like to check myself and remember who I am and what I’ve been through before and say to myself ‘if I’ve done that, I can get through anything’. You’re always stronger than you know. Another fav quote of mine which you would have heard on The Kardashian’s several times, goes ‘God only gives you what you can handle’. I’m more spiritual than religious (as my dating profile proclaims) so I take that to mean the Universe but whether you believe in God, The Kardashian’s or not, use it any way that you see fit.

Another important note to add is that when you are happy, do not feel guilty about it, it’s not a selfish act. If you’re happy you can make others happy and spread that positivity. Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask in the aeroplane first in order to assist others.

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I’m not pretending that I won’t have to go back and read this at some point to reassure myself but I hope the words here (more so the expert quotes and book links below) can help someone at some point.

A x

Reading list:

The Secret: Rhonda Byrne, Recovery: Russell Brand, Life changing magic of not giving a f*ck, Happy: Fearne Cotton

Photos: Andrew McGovern

Edit: Annie at the Fringe

Instagram is my Boyfriend

Dating, Fashion, Instagram, Photoshoot

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Instagram is my Boyfriend.

And we’ve been serious for about 6 months now. Ok not my actual boyfriend, I know I’ve been single for quite a while but I’ve not become completely deluded or given up all hope yet – don’t worry Mam. The aim of this post (my first blog post, yay!) is to explain the relationship I have with the gram and how I started this blog, as I thought that would be a good way to kick things off.

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It all began when I had a lot of time on my hands back in October as I was struck down with glandular fever. As a single gal (feeling very Carrie Bradshaw rn) I felt so lonely being off from work and isolated from the world, my family and friends were incredibly great but I was mostly in quarantine for a good couple of months. I needed something to take my mind off my illness. I turned to Instagram as it was the only thing I could manage to do from my bed. I realized I had a lot of outfit pictures I’d never posted before and was surprised when the likes and follows started to roll in.

After the feedback I’d received I started to take it more seriously, I changed the name and made it a business page, I even bought this domain and the email ad, you know just incase. By December time I started to feel better and began taking outfit pics on the reg, around Christmas I reached my first 1 thousand followers and it was an actual buzz. Fashion blogging is always something I’ve flirted with (I remember speaking to a successful fashion blogger telling her I’d love to start one but wouldn’t know where to begin) but it was at that 1k point when I thought ‘You know what I can actually do this, why not me?’.

T-shirt and beret: Fanclubclothing.com/Trench: Miss Guided (similar)

I’d found something to get me through that terrible time as it gave me a renewed sense of purpose, it was actually making me feel better day by day, maybe because I was receiving such nice comments which cheered me up. I’d also grown a little support network with some wonderful (and down right hilarious) gals who all shared the same female empowerment sentiment and interests that I had. I began to wake up and go to bed with instagram, I was no longer alone in my room! (In a none creepy way)

Aside from internet pals, before you think I’ve become a hermit, it’s also become something fun to do with my IRL mates. We’ve now made it a thing of going for a brunch catch up then taking outfit pics (by far my favorite weekend activity). Popping out at work on my lunch break with my work wife to get that all important outfit shot is also one way to break up the working day. Who needs an actual boyfriend when you’ve got that kind of support from your gals eh!

To me the gram it’s about SO much more than gaining likes, although don’t get me wrong they don’t go amiss ;). As a fashion graduate I have a real passion for the creativity of styling so it really does p*** me off me when people scoff at it and make remarks such as ‘it’s not real life though’. Because actually for some, it is. From what I know of the industry so far a lot of work goes into it. Whether you think it’s real life or not it brought me back from the brink of a very depressing time, for that I’ll forever be grateful to the gram and defend it as if it were my boyfriend.

As with any relationship it can be love/ hate, maybe when your pics don’t do as well as you’d hoped and it makes you feel a teeny bit down when you’ve put time and energy into them or when you’re struggling for content as it’s been a very rainy week, when that happens I do begin to feel the pressure creeping in BUT that’s all self imposed pressure, there are no rules and that’s what’s so great about the gram. Like every good boyfriend it will always be there (unless it ever gets replaced for a new younger model named Vero) but let’s not think about that and just enjoy the romance.

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A x

Photos by: Andrew McGovern